Something I Realised Lately

4 months of lazing around.. sitting on my ass and wasting my time.. and it had to happen sometime.. i do have my introspections these days.. and here are a few things that i realised before today.

i have been starving for attention for far too long. enough is enough.
thanks to a dude who mentioned it to me. but a bit more bluntly. called me a pain in the ass.

i have become too self centered. it helps me sometimes.
No comments. but my mom reminds me everyday...

i broke a promise. didnt give space to someone i promised that i wud.
weird enough, i realise it only now. after its too late. sorry for that.

i still am what i am. a strong minded freak.
confrontation still brings out the best and worst of me. Confrontation ONLY.

and now coming to the part about what i realised today.
was having a conversation (yeah people, a CHATTING conversation!!) with a friend of mine..
and she was talking about how everything in her life ends up in her not knowing her potential. chances that were never taken, rather taken away from her.

being the self centered fool that i am, i started thinking about myself :D. yes, my life. how messed up it was. and the reasons that i was giving for it. i tell myself that there havent been enough chances to prove myself. and for the ones that i mess up, i have argued bad fate or more recently (After a few earlier introspections ) my over confidence. I have been bitching too much about my fkd up life.

I havent taken any chances , I havent done anything but bitch about my failures.

I tell my parents that i dont wanna attend interviews because it might change my mind about doing MS. but it has another side, partly am afraid that i might fail again.
I never studied too much , ever. when i scored well it was my "talent", when i didnt it was my bad luck.( suggested my ego ).
I still talk about how i fkd up IIT
I still talk about how i cant get over someone
I still talk about how i cud have been better.

but the fact remains , once the chain of actions started way back when i was an over confident idiot, it was downhill. downhill upto this point i realise that bickering isnt good. in the process i was depressed , pessimistic , ignorant , self obssessed and many things more.
Now that i have realised that, may be i can move on. that is how things work out for me. so here it is.
finally i accept what i have done. i accept what i am.