Obligation

i am sick of it. sick of appearing intellectual.yes, appearing intellectual.
i actually have to think before i speak anything these days. and i hate it.

i want to be speaking without even straining a single brain cell.
i want to speak shit if its the first thing that comes to my mind.
i want to offend people if that is what my unconscious is telling me to do.
i want to sound like a moron.
and i sure as hell dont want to try n say the right thing always.

i hate obligation.
i hate that i have succumbed to the insecurity of being myself.
i hate that i have become an attention monger
(yes u are right. dont know who pointed it out first but someone did)
i hate the fact that i try to be funny.
i hate the fact that i do not know where i am.

i give up.
rather , i realise my fault. i understand, hence will be able to fix it.
there you go, i realise that obligation is a bug in my system.
once detected , the bug will be fixed.

ofcourse, like a good programmer knows,
a bug fixed is another bug created.
i will deal with you , when you actually become a problem.